Nuclear Danger: Merriam Mayoral Election Time

Ahh, the wonders of spring. Flowers are blooming. Birds and bugs are returning. Romantics have delusional fantasies about getting lucky with love. That time of the year for optimists to write about how the the KC Royals will have a really good baseball team until the season opener. Time to set Nietzsche and Ayn Rand books back on the bookshelves. The local police departments are busy setting up their hidden speed traps because the weather is warmer.

It's that time of the year that Katy Horner, actress and drama queen at KCTV5 turns every drop of rain into some ungodly unnatural weather event that is going to kill everyone. Plus, its that time for one of my personal favorite NASCAR-like event-the fun of going to the local Post Office April 15 to watch all the phoney-baloney desperate tax cheats drive around at 1 minute to midnight in some small parking lot.

It's always entertaining to watch them drive by with their well-earned paranoia. These special people all have the same look-"hey, can I get away with this tax scheme this year." And if your smiling right now, it's only because you identify. If it helps your tax anxiety, yes we here at the federal government do record your license plate numbers on April 15. Just look to the left, right, up and down. You will see most of the hidden camera(s).

Regardless of spring's many wonders, it's dangerous to be anywhere near Merriam, Kansas. Petty and insignicant events like a N. Korea missle launch is yawn time because around here, it's mayoral election time. Our staff of qualified risk assessors tend to point to a high probability around the level of nuclear. This is like a full moon-crashing into-earth time.

It's that time of the year the media circus converges on Merriam because they know something crazy is going to happen because it's another time for city elections. This spring is the four-year media special-pick a mayor time election.

It's also a dangerous time for me to write about Merriam city elections. Because every time I do, out comes the city goon squad or the ultra-conservative right wing nutjobs which usually results in me getting to talk to Judge Draco again at the local municipal kangaroo court. This year, maybe I can be anticipatory and just show up in court and plead guilty before ever being charged with any fabricated allegation. When Draco asks what I am guilty of, I'll just say "why, when did that ever matter?" Just do like usual. "Make up something."

Finally, satirist Mike Hendricks at the crappy Red Star newspaper ruined by McClatchy Group, got lucky and did a nice piece regarding how well Merriam is getting taken for a free ride by crooks at real estate developer DDR. See http://www.kansascity.com/news/columnists/mike_hendricks/story/1121877.html